


A Convenient Lie

by notastranger



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Non-graphic suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:57:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6795736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notastranger/pseuds/notastranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Five comes to grip with his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Convenient Lie

For the record, I always thought New Caprica was a lousy idea, both the settlement and the joke of a peace agreement between Cylons and humans. I spent most of the time wishing the humans had found another planet to colonize, or at least had kept running, letting us stay in the comfort of our ships while we chased them across the galaxy. New Caprica was cold, muddy, and the whole place stunk. Not that our handiwork improved matters, but the detention center wasn’t built to improve the scenery.

I was walking along one of the interrogation hallways when I saw her through the two-way mirror. I can’t remember what I was on my way to do. I just remember seeing her in profile, her dark hair in her eyes. A Three was hovering over her, hands on hips in a domineering stance.

I recognized her instantly because it was the last face I saw before I died.

~*~

I’m a Five, but I used to be a microbiologist named Caspar Millen. I was _never_ Aaron Doral – that was a different copy. I was a sleeper agent, designed to unknowingly infect humanity with a powerful virus. My plan never came to fruition, but to be fair, most of our plans didn’t. It only takes one Six to cause catastrophic thermonuclear destruction, as One was often fond of pointing out.

I was working on a research vessel, the Chiron, the last few months before the Second War. We were researching various diseases at the cellular level. I was the new guy and didn’t hang out much with my colleagues socially. I wonder if on some level I knew I was different; I think at the time I was too introverted to care.

That changed when Adia joined our lab. She was a sweet girl, shy but not standoffish. She asked me for help one day with a particular assay, and after I walked her through the steps, she thanked me with a warm smile. I felt myself blushing. She was pretty in an unassuming sort of way — the flashiest thing about her was the barrette she used to keep her bangs out of her eyes — but I couldn’t stop thinking about her smile. I found excuses to stop by her workstation, and by the end of the week we were sharing meals in the cafeteria and watching our favorite movies together on my laptop.

I still don’t know what she saw in me. It’s not like microbiologists are a glamorous bunch but there were taller, more charismatic men on the ship. I asked her once what her name meant, and when she replied, “Gods’ gift,” I quipped that ‘to men’ must be her middle name. She laughed and laughed and said that I was being silly.

I could have listened to her laugh forever.

On her birthday, I had a bouquet of tulips, her favorite flower, delivered to her quarters. I spent most of the morning sweaty and nervous. Was I being too forward? What if she just wanted to be friends? But when she saw me later that day, I knew she returned my feelings, even before she impulsively leaned in and kissed me.

A week later, the colonies were under attack.

Chiron was en route, and thus spared. Everyone on board listened to the communication link in horror. Most of us were too young to remember the first Cylon war, but we had heard the stories. Our ship had minimal defenses, and our armed guard, an older portly fellow, patrolled the halls nervously, probably wishing that he had paid better attention during his training.

A military vessel was due to intercept us soon. We all gathered in the entertainment room, an emergency newsfeed playing on the large flatscreen television. I stayed by the door, anxiously waiting for Adia to join me. Her family was from one of the outlying colonies; no word yet on their fate. She had returned to her room to send one last, desperate message to her parents.

The reporter on the screen managed to keep his composure as he delivered the devastating news. The colonies’ defenses were infiltrated, allowing massive Cylon forces to move in and destroy everything. The president was dead – so was most of his cabinet. And then the reporter said something strange: some of the Cylons looked like humans. They were clones.

A photograph appeared in the screen. It was me. This man, the reporter announced, was a Cylon. And there were many copies.

A voice whispered in my head, _Run_.

I darted out of the door and took off down the hall, stomach churning at what I’d seen. How could I be a Cylon? How could that man on the screen have the same face as me?

How was I going to escape?

I turned the corner and ran into Adia. Literally. She recovered quickly, steadying herself against the wall. “Caspar?” She reached out and caught my arm as I tried to pass her. “Cas, where are you going?”

I wouldn’t look at her. I wanted to keep running. I could hear a commotion from the entertainment room. It wouldn’t be long before they caught up with me.

“You’re shaking,” she said softly. I finally met her worried gaze. My throat went dry.

Out of the corner of my eye, our ship’s security guard came into view, back from another useless patrol. His gun was in his holster, unsecured. “I heard a noise,” he said, approaching us in innocent concern. “Is everything all right?”

I reached out and grabbed his gun, then pointed it at Adia’s head in one fluid motion. “Stand back or I’ll kill her.” I pulled her against me and cocked the pistol.

It all happened so fast. It was like I was on automatic pilot. The guard took a step back and I dragged Adia down the hall into a nearby lab. I shut the door behind us and slammed my elbow into a glass panel. The lab held infectious diseases – the emergency panel caused an automatic lockdown. It would take a complex series of failsafe procedures to get the door open again.

I heard Adia whimper and immediately put the gun down, whatever spell I was under momentarily broken. “Oh no no no,” I stammered, taking in her stunned expression. “I was just trying to get away, I didn’t mean to drag you into this.” I lightly touched her shoulder, worried that I’d left a bruise. “Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head, more confused than scared. “I don’t understand. Who are you trying to get away from? Why couldn’t you ask the guard for help?”

Someone started pounding loudly on the door. The military ship would be here soon. “They think I’m a Cylon,” I whispered, afraid to look her in the eye.

I half-expected her to pull away, but she just shook her head.  “But… I mean, that’s impossible. How could you be one of them?” I looked away. “Cas?” I heard her swallow hard. "This must just be a big misunderstanding. I'll tell them that you wouldn’t hurt anyone."

“Surrender peacefully and I won’t let the military harm you,” a voice said over the loudspeaker. I think it was the captain. “You have my word, Mr. Millen.”

 _Don’t let them take you_ , the voice in my head whispered. _They’ll tear you apart_.

“I won’t leave you,” Adia promised.

“I know,” I exhaled weakly. I leaned in close and kissed her as tenderly as I could, as if that would forgive everything.

Then I picked up the gun and shot myself in the head.

~*~

I hadn’t given my old life much thought until I saw her again. Resurrection does that do you.  Unlike the Eight they called Boomer, I shrugged off my old life easily. Humans were pathetic, nasty things. It didn’t matter that I once thought I was one. It was just a lie, a disguise. I was disappointed in myself for my plan not succeeding, however. Fives didn’t get much respect from the other Cylons, but at least we were better than the humans. Although after getting bogged down in the ridiculous mistake that was New Caprica, I was starting to wonder.

I watched Adia through the two-way mirror for a few minutes while I looked up her information in the database. She shared a housing unit with a suspect in the latest resistance attack, and Three was pressing her for any information. Or just blatantly intimidating her. It would have been obvious to even a Centurion that she didn’t know anything. It was a waste of time.

She was going to start crying if Three didn’t back off soon.

I smoothed out my suit jacket and walked into the interrogation room. Adia looked up at me. To her credit, she didn’t gawk or flinch, but she had probably seen enough Fives walking around to be desensitized to my face. She was paler than I remembered, and her hair had grown out. Her fingernails were broken and dirty.

“Can I see you outside for a minute?” I asked Three. I kept my expression carefully neutral.

She followed me out and shut the door. “What is it?” She asked, annoyed, like I had ruined her fun. “I’m not done interrogating Ms. Costas.”

“Ms. Costas doesn’t know anything,” I replied calmly. “And these rooms are in short supply, especially considering how fond your sisters are of rounding up random people in the hopes that one of them will have some valuable information.”

Three glared at me, then sniffed. “I didn’t know you were such a champion for the poor, innocent humans.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just clear out the space, all right? Go file the paperwork and I’ll show her out.” Three grumbled a little but didn’t argue. I walked back into the interrogation room. Adia was staring at her hands.

“Ms. Costas? Follow me, please.” She stood up, but hesitated, and I sighed. “You’ve been dismissed from questioning. I’m going to show you out.”

She walked silently with me along the maze of corridors. I didn't look at her, afraid my mask of polite disdain would crumble, but I could feel her eyes upon me the entire time. Once we reached the main doors, she cleared her throat. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, of course,” I answered smoothly. I kept my gaze ahead of me.

We stepped outside into the cloudy afternoon. “I knew one of you once. A Five. His name was Caspar Millen.” Her words came out stilted, half-whispered. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“He died,” I said quickly, maybe too quickly, surprised by my honesty.

“Oh. But…” I turned towards her and nearly flinched at the hope in her eyes. “You resurrect, don’t you?”

“That’s none of your concern,” I snapped. “Question time is over, go back to your quarters.” I pushed her forward, more roughly than I intended, and she tripped and fell into the dirt. Cylon and human eyes turned to stare at me and for the first time ever, I felt like a monster.

A couple of humans ran forward to help Adia to her feet, glaring daggers at me the entire time. Another human yelled at me, angrily enough that the Centurion stationed outside the detention center raised its rifle questioningly. I just shook my head — no need to escalate the situation. The human eventually ran out of steam and rejoined his companions.

Adia didn’t look back at me, not once, but I’m pretty sure she was crying.

~*~

I was still thinking about her when Commander Adama returned and rescued the humans. It was almost a relief; we could go back to chasing them across the stars and hating one another as usual. I did wonder sometimes if Adia had made it off New Caprica safely, but I tried to keep those thoughts to myself. I did not need a One breathing down my neck, especially once our own civil war started. Just between the Fives, we blamed all that time spent with the humans. It contaminated us – fractured us just like it had fractured them.

It was a convenient lie.

The revelations in our final days left me in a daze. Our creators, the final five, were not only real, but siding with the dissidents. There was no more resurrection. I suspect One had lost his mind at that point, parking us on top of a black hole, but it was too late to argue. I boarded Galactica, a simple foot soldier, no better than a Centurion. That was fine with me -- I was tired of thinking.

Somebody shot me in the side and I collapsed behind a stack of barrels. It hurt a lot more this time than when I shot myself in the head. I pressed a hand to the wound and wondered if I would bleed out first, or be found and shot again.

The whole ship shook. We had jumped. I opened my eyes and a Six was standing over me, a gun pointed at my head. I waited for her to fire, but she didn't pull the trigger. "Who won?" I croaked, barely able to talk through the pain.

She didn't say anything, just kneeled down and started dressing my wound. "Don't bother," I hissed through clenched teeth. "They'll just shove me out of an airlock later."

“Maybe. Maybe not. You were Caspar Millen.” I must have gasped, because she looked at me briefly and smiled. "I was there when you resurrected."

I slumped back. "Impressive memory," I sighed, my eyes shutting.

"You were easy to remember. Fives always resurrected so easily, but you were crying. You kept saying that she'd never forgive you.”

I didn’t remember that, but maybe I had pushed it away along with everything else.

“This should help with the pain,” Six said kindly, just before I felt something sharp poke me in the arm. “Try to rest. I’ll see you when you wake up.”

~*~

I stayed in Galactica’s infirmary for several days while I recovered. I was still positive that I was going to be thrown out of an airlock, but it didn’t happen. Six explained things to her sisters, and then to the rest of the Cylons, and then the humans. Finally, I mustered what little courage I had and asked Six if Adia had survived.

She had. I threw away the razor I had hidden from the nurses. I wouldn't need it.

On a sunny morning on this new Earth, I followed Six's directions to a pond surrounded by tall grass. Adia was washing clothes, her long hair pulled back in a ponytail, her skin tan and healthy. I got as close as I dared, waiting for her to notice me. When she finally looked up, she didn’t seem surprised to me. Six must have told her what had happened.

She stood up and walked towards me, cautious, as if I were a mirage and would disappear at any moment. She stopped, inches away. “Cas?” she whispered uncertainly, searching my face with her gaze.

I locked her eyes with mine, not knowing what to say. "Miss me?" I asked, smiling weakly.

Her lips tightened into a furious thin line. And then she pushed me, hard. I shouldn’t have been so surprised at her reaction, but I fell backwards anyway. She came down with me, shoved me into the ground for good measure while she yelled at me, her words an incoherent tirade. I started laughing, unable to keep the smile from my face, my heart bursting over having her in my arms again, even as she slammed her fists into my chest — once, twice, until I grabbed her wrists before she could do any real damage.

She stopped struggling and collapsed against me. "Frak you," she sobbed into my chest. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her. The wind whispered pleasantly through the grass while I rocked her gently.

After a little while, she pulled back to wipe her eyes. I offered her my handkerchief and her sobs faded into a watery laugh. “Yes,” she said finally, drying her eyes with the delicately patterned fabric.

“Yes, what?" I asked, still grinning like an idiot.

"Yes, I missed you.” She looked down at the handkerchief, then at me. “But not your suit.”

“I’ll burn it,” I said without hesitation. “I’ll never wear fuchsia again.”

Adia laughed again, as warm and bright as I had remembered. “Don’t. Someone could make it into a pillowcase instead.” She handed me back my handkerchief and added gently, “But you should keep this. You need it.”

I touched my face. It was wet with tears. “I’m sorry,” I said. My smile was starting to ache.

“I know.” She wiped my cheeks dry, then leaned in and kissed the tension out of my mouth. “It really is you, isn’t it?” she whispered against my lips. “My Casper.”

“Always,” I said before kissing her back. It wasn’t entirely true — I could never again be the person I thought I was onboard the Chiron — but it wasn’t a lie, either.

Not when I wanted I so badly wanted to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic was originally posted on my Fanfiction.net account. I tweaked it a bit before posting it here.


End file.
